


who am i?

by transsalfisher



Category: Detroit: Become Human (Video Game)
Genre: Androids, Angst and Hurt/Comfort, Connor (Detroit: Become Human) is Bad at Feelings, Emotional Hurt/Comfort, Gen, Hurt/Comfort, Implied/Referenced Character Death, M/M, Near Death Experiences, Robots, Spoilers, Stratford Tower (Detroit: Become Human), connor is traumitized, don’t read if you don’t want spoilers, post stratford towers
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2018-08-07
Updated: 2018-08-07
Packaged: 2019-06-23 04:55:10
Rating: Mature
Warnings: Graphic Depictions Of Violence, Major Character Death
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,616
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/15598734
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/transsalfisher/pseuds/transsalfisher
Summary: “You’re not a machine, you’re more than that.”“I am, I’m a machine.”“A machine wouldn’t be a shaking mess right now, a machine would move on as if nothing happened. Connor, you’re not a machine.”





	who am i?

**Author's Note:**

> _spoilers ahead!_
> 
>  
> 
> ummm this is post stratford towers connor is traumatized ending where simon kills himself and connor experiences it  
> pls go easy on me this is my first d:bh fic

“Here, just take a deep breath,” Hanks says, helping the android into the car. “We’re going to get you patched up, take it easy.”

Connor hears the words but they don’t register in his mind. All he can do is sit and stare at his shaking hands, stare at the blue blood that stains them. He hears Hank get into the car and he feels it start to pull away from the tower. Once the tower is out of sight, Connor breaks down. 

He feels his system protest the tears, but they come falling anyways. It tries to stop the shaking, but it doesn’t. It tries to ignore the pain, but Connor just can’t. He can’t breathe, he can’t think, he can’t. All he can think about is the feeling of dying, the feeling of not existing anymore. 

It isn’t until Hank puts his hand on Connor’s shoulder that he realizes that Hank has been trying to get his attention for a while now. Connor can’t even form words, all he can do is stare at him as hot, heavy tears roll down his cheeks. 

He opens his mouth to speak but all that comes out is a strangled whimper that Connor can’t believe came from him. The look on Hank’s face _shatters_ him. 

“It’s okay, it’s okay,” Hank says, putting his hand back on the wheel. “How about we take you to my place, calm you down? Sound good?”

Connor can’t even answer, but he knows Hank doesn’t need one. He puts his head between his knees and grips at his hair, trying to understand why his head sounds so loud. He runs his thumb across his rapidly blinking LED and shudders, choking on another sob.

When they get to Hank’s house, Hank helps Connor out of the car and inside. Connor can barely function, let alone walk. Hank sits him down on a nearby couch then rushes to the kitchen. He fumbles and digs around in a few different cabinets before coming back with a first aid kit.

He starts to take off Connor’s jacket, then his shirt. Connor squirms away from his touch. He shakes his head, trying hard to remember how to speak. Hank frowns and takes a hold of his hands.

“Let me help, Connor.”

“N-No,” Connor finally chokes out. “No, Cyber Life ca-an send another.”

Connor feels sick at his own words and he knows Hank can tell. Hank stands up and walks down the hall then comes back. He lays a towel down on the couch then removes Connor’s shirt. He gently pushes him down onto the towel and grabs his first aid kit.

“L-Lieutenant..” Connor protests.

“No,” Hank answers. “I don’t want to hear any of that Cyber Life bull shit. Something’s happened that they’re not going to be able to fix.”

“That’s not t-true.”

“It is, Connor, and I’m not taking you there.”

“Lieutenant, _please!_ ” Connor sobs.

Hank drops his first aid kit and turns to Connor. He cups his cheek in both of his hands. Connor ceases his noise and stares up at him, his artificial heart beating in his ears. Hank runs his thumb across Connor’s cheekbone, then presses his forehead to the android’s.

“Let me help,” he repeats. “You know the memory is going to transferred into another android, Cyber Life isn’t going to fix what you went through today.”

Connor is silent, breathing heavily. A few more tears run down his cheeks and he nods. Hank nods in response then pulls away, examining the bullet wound. The metal poking through the faux skin reminds Hank that a first aid kit isn’t going to fix an _android_.

Surely there’s someone he can get in contact with that knows how to repair a robot. Hank stands and leaves the room again, wracking his brain of what contacts he may have that can help. Anyone, _anything_ , that could help patch him back up.

“No,” Hank says to himself lowly. “I can deal with that later. Make a tourniquet, calm him down, then we’ll see who can help.”

He looks down at Sumo, half asleep on the kitchen floor. He runs his hands through his hair, gripping at it for a moment.

“I need a fucking cigarette,” he murmurs before turning on his heel and walking back into the living room.

He kneels down next to the couch and pulls his first aid kit into his lap. He opens it then pulls some Ace bandages out. He picks up Connor’s arm and looks at the damage that’s been done. It’s not terrible. It’s fixable.

“Has the bleeding mostly stopped?” He asks as he starts to wrap the bandages around his bicep.

“It hurts, Lieutenant,” Connor whispers.

“It… What?” Hank pauses, staring. Android aren’t supposed to feel pain… Right? 

“It _hurts_.” Connor repeats, staring up at him with big brown eyes. 

Hank stares at him, unable to break eye contact, then continues to wrap his bicep. He wraps it tightly then ties it off. He scans Connor then stands, yet again, and rushes to the bathroom. He wets a rag then comes back and starts wiping the blue blood from his arms, hands, and face.

Connor looks at the rag, then at Hank, and Hank sees the moment that he realizes. His LED flashes red and his eyes fill with fear.

“Hank,” he whispers, voice trembling. “Hank, androids aren’t _supposed_ to feel pain.”

“I know,” Hank says gently.

“They’re not _supposed_ to…. React like _this_.” He gestures to himself.

“I know.” Hank repeats.

Connor stares at him, trying to fight back the tears, trying to ignore the inevitable. It can’t be. Connor can’t be a deviant. That’s not in his programming, that’s not apart of his investigation, that’s not Connor.

Connor sits up, his LED turns and flashes between red and yellow. He stares at Hank, hands shaking. His chest rises and falls violently and, for a moment, all he can do is stare. 

“ _Please_ ,” Connor whispers. “Don’t turn me in. I… I’m not a deviant.”

Hank frowns and slowly sits on the couch next to Connor. He removes his jacket and shakes some snow off of it, then drapes it around Connor’s shoulders. Connor grabs onto one of Hanks hands with an iron grip, but Hank doesn’t even blink. 

“I’m not a deviant,” he whispers again. “I’m not. I’m not a deviant, I swear, I-I’m not. Hank I…”

“Connor.” Hank interrupts. “You’re not a deviant.”

Connor lets out a shaky sigh of relief and nods his head. Hank knows he’s not a deviant, Connor is safe. 

“You’re _alive_. You’re a living being and these emotions and reactions are what come with being alive.” Hank says gently.

Connor shakes his head. “I’m a machine, don’t say that.”

“You’re not a machine, you’re more than that.”

“I _am_ , I’m a machine.”

“A _machine_ wouldn’t be a shaking mess right now, a _machine_ would move on as if nothing happened. Connor, you’re not a machine.”

“Hank, stop it.”

“You’re not a machine.”

“ _Hank._ ”

“You’re not a deviant.”

“ _Please!_ ”

“You’re _alive_. You’re a feeling, living being.”

“I experienced death!” Connor wails. Oh, Hank finally cracked him. “I _died_ and… And for a second, I wasn’t coming back! There was nothing, _I_ was nothing, I _died_ and it was the end and…”

There’s silence for a moment. Connor looks perplexed for a moment then he pulls his knees to his chest. He rests his head on them and inhales shakily, eyes widening.

“What will Amanda say?” He asks himself quietly. “Oh, _God_ , she’s going to discontinue me.”

“Connor,” Hank says, placing a ground hand on his cheek. “That’s not going to happen, you’ve got me. I… I’m right here.”

Connor stares at the older man for a long time. He leans forwards and presses his face into Hank’s chest. Hank hesitantly wraps his arms around Connor and rubs his back slowly. The android feels his artificial heart warm and, for a moment, he feels calm. 

Hank moves one hand and gently begins to card through Connor’s hair. He silently marvels at how soft it is and pulls him closer. Connor presses his face into his shoulder, inhaling slowly, shakily. He’s still shaken, he can’t forget that feeling.

“I’m so tired, Lieutenant.” Connor murmurs.

“Come on,” Hank says. “I’ll take you to bed.”

Connor nods and scoots closer to Hank, wrapping his arms around his neck. The Lieutenant blinks for a moment before picking Connor up with a grunt and carrying him bridal style. He whistles for Sumo and the large dog follows them down the hall. 

He shuts the bedroom door behind them then lays Connor down on the bed. He pulls his shoes off, then carefully wiggles the android out of his pants. He goes to take his jacket, but Connor silently insists on keeping it. Hank sits next to him, slowly petting Connor’s hair and letting the android cuddle up to him.

“I don’t want to die, Lieutenant.” He whispers.

“I know.”

“Please don’t let me die,” he adds. “I’m… I’m so scared, I’m _so_ scared.”

“I’m not going to let you die,” Hank murmurs, looking down at the android in his lap. “You don’t need to worry about that right now, you need to worry about resting.”

Connor nods his head quietly and closes his eyes. Hopefully, he’ll feel better after some rest. He just needs a little time to recharge. Before he knows it, he’s fallen asleep in Hank’s lap, breathing peacefully. 

Hank leans down and presses a soft kiss to his glowing LED. He continues to stroke his hair and watches him, imagining what robots could possibly dream about.

“I’ve got you, Connor.” He murmurs. “I’m here.”


End file.
